PVLF 2025

Interview with Sharmistha Khobragade, Author “The IVF Story”

An inspiring IVF journey that breaks taboos, embraces vulnerability, and celebrates the strength of motherhood, community, and emotional resilience.
on May 01, 2025

Frontlist: The IVF Story is deeply personal and emotionally intense. What inspired you to share your journey, and was there a moment when you knew this book needed to be written?

Sharmistha: I wrote down the IVF story a year or so after the kids were born because I did not want to forget the details of this journey, which has been such a significant part of my life. It had been sitting on my laptop for many years. I’d share it occasionally with people who’d approach me for advice about IVF. A few years ago, I became part of a wonderful online community of women alumni from my management institute on Facebook. This group is brilliant at supporting one another. Whenever I shared my blog posts in this group, I was sure to get at least 30-40 views. That is a good number for me, as I’m not a serious blogger.

In 2021, the community asked members to share their stories of motherhood. I shared a chunk of the IVF story as a long, short story. The response was tremendous. I got 700 views, and many women commented that they loved reading it or that my story resonated with them. Seeing the engagement, the group moderator asked me to do a series of posts sharing my story. That’s when the idea began to take hold in my mind that many women actually want to hear about this journey of assisted reproductive techniques—either to prepare themselves mentally if it’s on their radar or, having undertaken it, to know how others have fared through it. That was the moment I thought about sharing my story widely in the form of a book.

Frontlist: IVF is often portrayed as a clinical process, but your book dives into the emotional and psychological struggles. What was the most challenging part of reliving these experiences while writing?

Sharmistha: In my case, the IVF was less difficult than everything that followed once the kids were delivered. Looking after the premature twins was very challenging emotionally. I’d constantly wonder why I had to have such a hard time because no one I knew had an experience like mine — two preemie kids in two different NICUs. It felt isolating.

While writing the book, those feelings came up again. But having successfully navigated that difficult period, I could handle the emotions. On reflection, I was proud of myself, my husband, our families, and our nannies who helped us look after the kids and for making it through the challenging time. That pride continues today as I look at my 15-year-old boys.

Frontlist: Many women today face fertility struggles due to conditions like PCOD and endometriosis. What are some misconceptions about IVF and infertility that you hope to debunk through your book?

Sharmistha: I think one misconception I’d like to debunk is that women like me, with multiple pathologies, cannot conceive. The odds were definitely not in my favor, yet I somehow beat them by putting my faith in the best IVF doctor I could find and following instructions meticulously (thank you, Dr. F!).

Another misconception is that preemie babies are weak and will remain delicate and underweight throughout their lives. Nothing could be further from the truth. My babies were an incredible source of inspiration to me in how they managed to stay alive and thrive. After a few years, you can’t tell the difference between a child born prematurely and a child born full-term.

Frontlist: Your book highlights the impact of delayed parenthood due to career aspirations. What advice would you give to women trying to balance their professional ambitions with their family planning journey?

Sharmistha: This is a very tricky question, and there are no definitive right answers. In my opinion, women should invest time and money in themselves and be vulnerable enough to seek counseling or mentorship to understand clearly what motivates them career-wise. The resultant self-awareness and clarity of thought will help them choose their field wisely so they don’t waste time in trial and error.

Some women may benefit from having kids early on (in their twenties) so that they are free to pursue their passions or go full-throttle on their careers in their mid-forties after the kids fly the nest. Others may be better off waiting until their late thirties to have a child when they’ve already established their careers and are in a position to take it easy. It all depends on one’s context, career ambitions, and the support available for child-rearing.

I’d strongly advise women to freeze their eggs in their early twenties, when the egg quality is good, if financially possible, so at least that worry is out of the way. And for all mothers, I’d recommend seeking as much support as humanly possible in raising their children — in whatever form that works for them — whether it be great nannies, daycare, grandparents, or a combination thereof. Please do not hesitate to ask for support. Do not try to go it alone, no matter how fiercely independent your nature is. Children were always meant to be raised in a community. And please do not worry if your young ones seem more attached to other caregivers rather than to you when they are tiny. I was terribly jealous of my nannies because the twins seemed to prefer them over me. But it does change with time, so you should hang in there.

Frontlist: Infertility and IVF can significantly impact mental well-being. What strategies do you recommend for women to maintain emotional resilience during this challenging time, and how crucial is the support system?

Sharmistha: I do not overstate this when I say that managing your stress well is half the battle won. It is indeed very challenging, emotionally as well as physically, to undergo IVF. From my experience, the one thing that helped me manage my stress was that I stopped thinking about the outcome and did not get attached to it. I did not think about the outcome one way or the other – whether the cycle would fail or succeed. I just took it as something that I wanted to do, something that I had to go through, and whatever happened in the end, I would accept it. When I look back now, I don’t know how I managed to achieve this equanimity, but somehow I did. I took it one day at a time and thought about it as a process without investing myself in the outcome. Whatever it takes to achieve this mindset – whether it is meditation, prayer, journaling, or therapy – one should do it.

It certainly helped that I did not have anyone breathing down my neck. My husband had also adopted the same calm mindset and never questioned me about every detail or worried about the outcome or the future. Nor did my in-laws, who were living with us. No one told me to do this or not do that because I was undergoing IVF. We lived as normally as possible.

The fact that I had been open with my colleagues at work about undergoing IVF meant that I did not feel like I was carrying a secret, and if I needed to take it a little easy at work, they would understand without inquiring into the details. So yes, a supportive environment at work and home is key.

Frontlist: Many women suffer in silence due to the stigma surrounding fertility treatments. What steps do you think society and families should take to normalize these conversations?

Sharmistha: The medical profession needs to treat infertility as a joint problem of the couple and not solely as a problem of the woman. If tests are recommended for a couple who has approached an ART specialist, they should be recommended for both the man and the woman. The problem could very well lie with the male, but it is the woman who will have to undergo IVF regardless. Unfortunately, people often assume it is the woman who is at fault.’ There is no fault, and neither a man nor a woman should be judged for difficulties in conceiving. I hope that husbands feel confident enough to admit when the reason for infertility is with them without becoming self-conscious about it if that’s the case.

It is unfortunate that biological parenthood is given such a premium in society. Parents and in-laws often pressure their children to be grandchildren. While such a desire is natural, it would be helpful if they refrained from putting undue pressure on the couple to have children. It would be wonderful if society could accept and celebrate that there are multiple forms of parenting — not just biological. Being a plant parent, a pet parent, an adoptive parent, fostering, or mentoring someone are all equally valid forms of parenting. If these alternatives were more widely accepted, the stigma surrounding infertility would significantly diminish.

Frontlist: Through The IVF Story, you highlight the strength of a mother’s love and the resilience of newborns. What was the most powerful lesson you learned through this journey that you hope readers take away?

Sharmistha: That we are stronger than we think we are. Things change for the better, no matter how difficult they may seem at the time. One should find the courage to be vulnerable enough to admit to having taken help for reproducing in order to normalize the conversation around ART.

Most people, when they come to know I have twins, ask me, "Oh, do twins run in the family?" And I casually reply, "No, they are IVF twins."

Most importantly, all mothers should never hesitate to ask for help raising their babies. Please remember that kids are meant to be raised communally and that you are doing a service to society by adding new members to it—so feel free to ask for support in return.